PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't think brook has ever known best
nutella sex= disaster
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
