We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sext me about skeletons
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
