I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
