I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
