tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
