i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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