i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
