great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
