I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
