i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
