Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize