at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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