fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There r osticjed everywhere
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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