is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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