I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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