What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
