Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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