Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize