I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
