Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize