I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
