I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
