I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
