apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
