don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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