very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
