i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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