This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
