Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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