I accidentally burped into my bong.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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