Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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