I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
