so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
