It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
