when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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