I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My liver just had a heart attack.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my poor anus
Is Oprah even human
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
