I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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