it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
