I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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