So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
