No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize