Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
