I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im six kinds of drunk right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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