its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
