I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
