Porn is love you can see.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
