there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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