Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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