im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
