I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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