do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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