I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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