if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
