The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
