Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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