I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
