Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
