But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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