You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
