My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
