She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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