I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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