I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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