I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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