Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize