i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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