a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
