You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
