I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
