people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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