very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
