Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
