u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
