no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
