i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
