Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
