Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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