So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize