Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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