Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
