There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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