I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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