Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so let's talk penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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