I'm really into asian looking animals
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I believe in your delicious
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
