he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
