That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
