just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
