Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what day is it and did you see me today?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
