i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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