mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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