Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
