Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
