I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
