meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
