Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
