I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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