At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
as a side note pls kill me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
