Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
