What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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