I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
