there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
