I am puke
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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