I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize