I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
