youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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