Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My vagina is very pro this idea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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