It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
false alarm, still single
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
