I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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