If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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