just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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