i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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