The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
